On the Threshold of a New Dawn…

February 21, 2018

I started the day yesterday watching one of those disturbing videos that one finds on social media. And then the day deteriorated from there…aside from a lovely coffee had with a lovely person…but I digress. It was a video from somewhere in Africa of a person being roughed up in the streets. I could not make out the language spoken so I am not entirely sure where exactly it is from. The men tore this person’s clothes off, slapped them, kicked them, spat at them. All so gleefully. I could feel the joy they derived from hurting this person. I could only assume that the reason this was happening was because the victim did not present in the way these men expected them to. Pants that were a bit tighter than the men assaulting wanted them. A shirt that may have been a bit too effeminate. Some make up on the face. These are the things that I am assuming caused this person to be violated so.

I have seen way too many such videos. They should not be showing up on the internet in this day and age, but they still do. And it is such a shame that people will exert their energy to cause pain and harm on another person just because the other person is different. I am beginning to believe that my ideal of everyone accepting, understanding and respecting diversity is incredibly naïve. It would be a perfect world. Where we all know that we will never all be the same. Where we all know that there will be differences in dress, race, thought, religion, sexual orientation, gender among a myriad of other things that make us human. Where these differences are seen as the source of beauty in the world and not a reason to attack each other. This is probably too much to ask for. I am hopeful for that day, but that day seems to be moving further and further away.

Most, if not all countries in the world have laws condemning physical violence with words like, “use of force or violence to strike, beat, wound or do bodily harm to another”. The attack on this person by the mob was an act of violence and the attackers are criminals. The person recording the video did nothing to assist the person being attacked. They may have as well been doing the kicking and the punching. The police who seemed to have been present during the attack did not prevent the mob from kicking and punching this person. This is vile. It makes me so angry to think that incidents like these are happening in my continent. They are happening to people who have done nothing wrong. People whose only “crime” is that they love differently. That they dress differently. That they act differently. All the while, not causing harm to anyone else.

I honestly have no solution to this. If anyone does, please tell us how we can stop people from beating and killing us for being different. I would like to live in my naïve bubble of an all accepting utopia, but in doing so, I keep the status-quo going. I will therefore attempt to understand these people who hate us. The man in the video who jumped on the person’s chest while they were lying helpless and naked on the ground. The man in the video who felt the need to tear off this person’s clothes off his body. The person behind the camera.

What goes on inside their minds? Why cause harm on another human being who has not wronged you one bit? Is it maybe because you are so insecure about your own existence that you get offended by another person living their truth? Is it perhaps because you experience joy in watching another person suffer so you take your phone out to record the incident instead of assisting the person? Could it be because your heart is just filled with hate? Help me understand why. Why thousands of gay, lesbian, bisexual and trans people worldwide have to live in constant fear of violence. Why we have to constantly hide our true selves from those who would be offended by our existence. All this makes me incredibly angry and sad and I want to hate the perpetrators.

But Martin Luther King Jr said something that has played out in my mind over the last two days. He said, “If we are arrested every day, if we are exploited every day, if we are trampled over every day, don’t ever let anyone pull you so low as to hate them. We must use the weapon of love. We must have the compassion and understanding for those who hate us. We must realize so many people are taught to hate us that they are not totally responsible for their hate. But we stand in life at midnight, we are always on the threshold of a new dawn.”

It is midnight right now. We are on the threshold of a new dawn. And I am hopeful. I really am.

Stop The Hate

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Displaced and Potentially Homeless

January 13, 2018

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Somewhere in Ongata Rongai, Nairobi, stands this house. A 3-bedroom house that is a much needed shelter for 10 individuals who were forced to flee Uganda for fear of, and for most of them, actual persecution because they happened to be different. They happened to be of a sexual orientation that the Ugandan government and society deems unnatural, evil, abominable and deserving of being eradicated. These ten people left their homes because they feared for their lives. They now live in this house. Somewhere in Ongata Rongai, Nairobi.

Michael and I were received by our hosts today with a hearty meal. Matoke, ugali, g-nut sauce and a piece of chicken. A meal I am sure is not had daily in this house. But we were their guests and as Africans, we do everything we can to ensure that our guests feel the utmost hospitality. I ate what Michael said was more than he had ever seen me eat. It was absolutely delicious.

I was then given a tour of the house. As you walk into the house, you see what is obviously a workshop.

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Beads, bags, table mats scarves and many other odds and ends. All made by the residents of this house. The talent they have is amazing. The drive they have to be able to sit for hours on end to make these items and attempt to sell them online is inspiring. Especially while having a fear in their minds that the workshop may not be available for too long. Thinking about family and friends left behind. Thinking about the stigma and discrimination and violence they faced back home and continue to face in Kenya as they await to be relocated. Inspiring.

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They attempt to sell their craft online through their social media page but it has been tough seeing as they don’t have the reach they need to break even. I have committed to setting up a little online store for them which shall have all the information about the safe house.

I was then taken to where they sleep. It broke my heart. For a 3-bedroom house with one bed to house 10 people, the individuals have to make a lot of compromise. More than two people sharing a paper thin mattress on the floor.

When Michael was in Kampala, it became evident that there is a need for lubricant. He found out, while visiting Icebreakers Uganda that one of the most successful methods of getting people to test for HIV is by offering lube and condoms. With the crackdown on homosexuality in the country, distribution of lube is seen as promotion of homosexuality. This meant that lube was so difficult to find and is an incredibly expensive product. In the US, they hand them out for free. He therefore spoke to some of his friends in a sexual health organization and they shipped them to him.

Today, we took a package of lube with us to the safe house for delivery to Uganda. Michael had to carry them on his head feeling like a right African lass.

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The relevance of this delivery is the fact that some of the individuals in the safe house are HIV positive. They have a level of access to their medication but due to the fact that they belong to a different sexual orientation and are not from Kenya, the stigma they face in some hospitals in Nairobi dissuades them from seeking health services when they need it. The nearest LGBTQ friendly health center is way too far for them to access. There is however a possible reprieve for them on this with some organizations stepping in to assist.

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They are Team No Sleep Foundation. I have seen their files and they are intricate. Every single receipt is filed. Every single doctor’s appointment is documented. Every single purchase is recorded. They clearly don’t sleep. They are however in need of your help. Their rent needs to be paid. Water and electric bills need to be paid. They need to be fed. They need medical assistance. I do understand that their plight may be similar to others out there. I know that the world is a tough place to live in. But they are human beings. Being in that space gives you a sense of hope. It shows a side of humanity that lights a fire in your heart. And they do need your help.

Follow them on Facebook.

Donate to their GoFundMe.

But most of all…as they ask. Stand in solidarity for all.

 

Men: As You Check Your Privilege, Remember, You ARE Trash!

November 10, 2017

It is about time that people in power who take advantage of those who look up to them have their actions questioned. They have gone unchecked far too long and that is wrong. Harvey Weinstein has been accused. He tried to quash the stories but they came out. Speaking of coming out, Kevin Spacey did just that when he was accused. Effectively coming up with something completely new to the LGBT world; a wrong time to come out. All these stories are, in my books, success stories. Someone who had been violated found the strength to say what happened to them. Say it and make an impact. Say it and allow others who had had the same happen to them find the strength to say what had happened to them. It is sad. It is beautiful. It is empowering.

But no. This is not that kind of post as you may have guessed from the title.

If I had to name them, the women who have accused men, powerful or otherwise, of sexual abuse and had their narratives dismissed as a call for attention or a search for fame or a quest for a big cheque or the myriad of other excuses that we come up with, I would be listing names for a very long time. A very very long time. It took Kevin Spacey’s very problematic coming out for me to say this. The reaction we collectively have when a man says he has been violated is completely different from the reaction that we collectively have when a woman says she has been violated in the same way.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not in any way condoning what the man allegedly did. It was horrible. It should not ever happen to anyone. Yet it is happening. To men who just want to get a foot on the ground. To men who are simply seeking to be loved. To men who are trying to ensure that the love they are made to believe exists is reciprocated. It is happening. I am not condoning this at all. All I am saying is that we need to check our privilege. As ugly as this is, we need to see it as it is. That a woman will be violated and we will say, “Well, she shouldn’t have placed herself in that situation.” And when a man is violated, we instantly ostracize the accused.

We need to check our privilege. And while we are checking that privilege, we need to acknowledge the fact that we are all trash. Now I know that this will not go down well with my fellow penis havers, but the fact that it took one of my kind, in more ways than one, being accused to have me say this makes me trash as well.

Men are trash

It is not equality I am speaking for here. It is basic humanity. When no consent is given or when consent is coerced or when consent is withdrawn, none of us has a right over the body of the other person. THAT is basic humanity.

So yes. Men are trash. And please don’t say, “Not all men!” That just makes you trash. Be a man. Acknowledge your privilege. And then stand up for what is right. Speak up for the woman in your life who is being treated oh so differently because of the fact that she is a woman. Understand that she really doesn’t need you to speak up because she can very well do that for herself only problem being that you and your privileged self, shut her down. Note that while you may not personally play a part in shutting her down, you do nothing about those who do. Admit that by your very existence, you are one of the oppressors. Accept that you are hating me so much right now for calling you out.

Once you are done being trash, do something to make a difference!

£1 a Month = 1 Month of Light

October 28, 2017

Dear Kenyans,

This is a family in Romford, United Kingdom. They have been in darkness for 15 minutes. The trauma of having to use the light on their iPhone7 and Samsung Galaxy S7 is debilitating. They are not alone. They need your help!

£1 a month will go directly into their electricity bills.

Send your donations via PayPal (yes! We have PayPal in Kenya) to:

anthony.n.oluoch@gmail.com

As a thank you, I will say “Thank You!” out loud.

Please help this poor family and others!

Love!

A Kenyan.

I Will Listen…

May 16, 2017

When I post updates like, “If you watch Godzilla backwards its about a dinosaur who passionately pieces a city back together before moonwalking into the sea.” you smile. And that makes me​ happy. But only for a moment. When I bake and post a picture of the cookies I made. You like the pictures and ask me to bake you some. It makes me happy. But only for a moment. When I post about my new job and you congratulate me, genuinely happy for me. It makes me happy. But only for a moment. 

For a very long time, I have been dealing with depression. It is a horrible thing. It eats away at you. Makes you do things you wouldn’t otherwise do. Makes you distance yourself from those who love you. Makes you the worst version of yourself. But some of us are able to mask it. Live for those moments when we are made to feel good about ourselves…while dying inside. We have to keep pushing on though. We do have a purpose in life. To make a difference in people’s lives. To put a smile on a sad person’s face. To do the things that make us feel good. 

I realise that that is easier said than done, but if you are dealing with depression like I have been, please seek help. Know that you are not alone. 

I have been lucky. I have found someone who understands me. Who understands my moments. Who understands my way of communication. I have found Mark. The man I will soon be married to. The man I am in love with. He has helped me know me better. 

You do have someone who loves you. Who would do anything for you. Who would move mountains for you. Who will always listen…
“But I don’t.” I hear you thinking…
I am right here. I will listen. 

And to everyone else…be kind. You really have no idea what demons the person walking beside you is dealing with. 

The Politics of Sex Work

December 12, 2016

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I’ll quote Bitange Ndemo’s piece on Taiwan’s Link between Personal Conduct and Economic Success, “Asian countries emphasise six key values that can be introduced to young children as well as older people. These include Respect (acknowledging others with simple greetings), Responsibility (taking care of your mess), Resilience (accepting failure and never giving up), Integrity (honesty), Care (helping those around you) and Harmony (accept others who may be different or do things differently), and re-emphasising all the time the living by these values in every decision or action that we take.” This does not make what follows an analysis of Taiwan, or Asian countries for that matter. It is however very much about the linkages that exist between personal conduct, public conduct, morality, crime (and the lack of it), exploitation, choice, class and economic success. At this point, I will emphasise on “harmony” as one of the key values. Keep that in mind as you read this.

Sex work. Prostitution. Intimacy for compensation. Umalaya. Hustling. The sex trade. The sex industry. Hooking. Arguably the oldest profession known has been in the headlines a lot. Amnesty International sparked international debate mid last year when the organization’s International decision making forum voted to adopt a policy to protect the human rights of sex workers. The resolution recommended that the highly influential international organization develop a policy that supports the full decriminalization of all aspects of consensual sex work and called on states to ensure that sex workers enjoy full and equal legal protection from exploitation, trafficking and violence. This recommendation came after a two year research concluding that this is the best way to defend sex workers’ human rights and lessen the risk of abuse and violations they face. One thing that seems to have escaped most commentators’ attention is the fact that the policy would also recommend that any act related to the sexual exploitation of a child must be criminalized. Recognizing that a child involved in a commercial sex act is a victim of sexual exploitation, entitled to support, reparations, and remedies, in line with international human rights law, and that states must take all appropriate measures to prevent sexual exploitation and abuse of children.

Amnesty International was not  the first international organization to recommend the decriminalization of sex work. The World Health Organization in its 2013 publication, “Implementing Comprehensive HIV/STI Programmes with Sex Workers: Practical Approaches from Collaborative Interventions” stated that community empowerment includes working towards the decriminalization of sex work and the elimination of the unjust application of non-criminal laws and regulations against sex workers, and recognizing and respecting sex work as a legitimate occupation or livelihood.

Last year, the United States Department of Justice arrested the CEO and six employees behind the online male escort service rentboy.com calling said site the largest “internet brothel”. While there may be legal justification for taking down the website in the United States as prostitution is illegal in that country, this move has sparked quite some debate all over the world about criminalization and what that means not only for the providers of the internet service but also for the users of the same, especially due to the fact that RentBoy has operated openly for the last twenty years.

The op-ed “Buying Sex Should Not Be Legal” by Rachel Moran in the New York Times, (coincidentally published on my birthday) and an interview with a friend, colleague and sex worker activist John Mathenge from the Global Network for Sex Workers raise an incredibly complicated set of issues that I wish to analyse on this incredibly complicated topic.

Mathenge says that the reasons for becoming a sex worker are incredibly broad. For some sex workers, poverty pushes them to it. Poverty and the fact that the individual does not have other professional options. He notes that indeed, there are individuals who are coerced into sex work through human trafficking and challenges at home while incredibly young. Ms. Moran’s story is quite tragically one of those. Forced to sell sex at 14 years of age. This is a story that has been heard countless times the world over. On this point, I agree wholeheartedly with her. Our children need to be protected. Our young girls and boys need to be protected from those who wish to sexually exploit them. Mathenge says however that sex work is different from human trafficking and sexual exploitation of children, both of which the sex workers in Kenya are completely against. In fact, he says, his organization, in conjunction with the Africa Sex Worker Alliance and the Kenya Sex Worker Alliance have conducted a project to link young people selling sex (children under the age of 18) in various countries in Africa with organizations working with children and encourage those willing to go back to school. Most of those reached did indeed go back to school.

There are sex workers however who actually choose the profession. For some, according to Mathenge, due to the fact that there is nothing else they are capable of doing. For others, like Mr. Rob Yeager, for convenience; so that he can have the ability and time to take care of his disabled partner. Even others actually enjoy the profession for various reasons including the sex and perhaps the fact that it makes more money than anything else they could have done. For these people, for these adults, it becomes a matter of choice. The freedom to choose what to do with their own bodies. The freedom to choose to get into a willing buyer, willing seller situation where the product in question may include a sexual act.

Which brings me to the question of commoditising the body. Commoditizing sex itself. Reasons for not doing this vary greatly. They are often influenced by the society’s understanding of morality and religion. They are often a product of having been brought up believing that sex is something so intimate that it cannot be spoken about in polite company. That the only reason sex can be had is when two people need to procreate (is it really?). That it is something about oneself that one needs to keep hidden. These reasons are a product of not nearly enough talk about gender and sexuality. Because if we did actually open up, and I have been successful in getting random groups of people to open up about gender and sexuality, we would uncover so many aspects of the same that we didn’t even know existed. We would get to a point where we understood that components of our gender and sexuality are so broad that understanding them would probably be near impossible. A conversation about gender and sexuality needs to happen when we are talking about sex work because that is exactly what it is about. Gender and sexuality. Our maleness, our femaleness, our cisgenderness, our transgenderness, our heterosexuality, our homosexuality, our bisexuality and all the other possible continuums in existence. It is about all that and the human need to exist in their space without prejudice, stigma or discrimination. To be allowed to make choices as long as these choices do not harm the next person.

The bottom line is this, sex work has existed in our society from time immemorial. Fun fact, it even exists in animals (although I’m yet to figure out when animals became our moral compass)! Sex work is going nowhere. We may continue to bury our heads in the sand and pretend that by increasing punitive measures that in some countries target persons under the age of 18 who sell sex, we will get rid of it. We may try creative punitive measures like the Nordic model where only the buyer is criminalized which in essence does an injustice to the sex worker. As much as some studies have claimed that this model has had some success, it still doesn’t make logical sense to make the buying of a product illegal and selling of the same legal. With due respect to Ms. Moran, our children are getting into the sale of sex at an incredibly young age. But that is not sex work. That is exploitation of children. That is paedophilia. That is wrong and the perpetrators of the same need to face the full extent of the law. Women are being unwillingly used for the sexual gratification of other men and women. Some men are being unwillingly used for the sexual gratification of other men and women. That is not sex work. That is sexual exploitation of human beings. That is wrong and the perpetrators of the same, just like the paedophiles need to face the full extent of the law.

Existing resources (meagre for most countries) need not be used to target adult consensual sex workers and the buyers of their services. They need to be utilized in eradicating human trafficking. In ensuring that our children are protected. In ensuring that women and men are not being exploited sexually or otherwise. In my opinion, sex work needs to be decriminalized. It then needs to be regulated. Regulated in such a way that people are not exploited. That everyone gets their due wage. That sex workers are able to report the violence they face to the authorities without the fear that they will be arrested. That sex workers are empowered enough to negotiate condom use with their clients thus reducing the rates of transmission HIV and other STIs. That sex workers get to contribute meaningfully to the society by having the trade taxed. I intentionally did not use statistics here because while numbers do wonders in giving us an outline of a situation, this conversation is not about numbers. It is about human beings who simply want to be allowed to live and do what they do. It’s about people. In the beginning I asked that you keep “harmony” in mind. It’s about just that. Accepting others who may be different or do things differently.

Redundantly Pregnant: A Mother’s Story 

November 12, 2016

pregnancySince the dawn of time, giving birth has been celebrated as a joyous occasion synonymous with new beginnings and pride for the parents. It is no surprise that maternal rights are enshrined in one of the most profound articles in the Constitution of Kenya, Article 27, which states that every person is equal before the law and has the right to equal protection and equal benefit of the law. The article further states that the state and a person shall not discriminate directly or indirectly against another person on any ground including, among other grounds, pregnancy. In line with this article, Section 5(3) of the Employment Act of 2007 prohibits discrimination against an employee or prospective employee on grounds of pregnancy. Section 46(a) of the same Act states that a female employee’s pregnancy, or any reason connected with her pregnancy does not constitute fair reason for dismissal or from the imposition of a disciplinary penalty. Article 8 of the Maternity Protection Convention of 2000 which is yet to be ratified by Kenya, prohibits the termination of employment of a woman during her pregnancy or maternity leave where the termination is related to the pregnancy or birth and its consequences or nursing. In spite of all these measures, the experience of many a Kenyan woman who gets pregnant while in employment or is pregnant while seeking employment has been far from ideal.

While a number of employers treat the women in their employ, pregnant or otherwise fairly, some have found devious ways to subvert their obligations under the law. Some of the women I have spoken to have told me that as soon as it became evident that they were pregnant, their employers would do everything in their power to frustrate them. These employers would get rid of staff members whose job was to make things easier for their pregnant colleague or reassign her from a desk job to one which requires a lot of physical exertion. They would make the working conditions incredibly difficult for the women, and some, when possible, had to quit. Some had no option but to carry on working causing them severe complications in their pregnancy. Employers do this in order to avoid any culpability that might befall them were they to terminate a pregnant woman’s employment.

Judy’s is one such story. In June 2014, having just been admitted to the bar, she was employed as an associate advocate at a law firm whose head offices are in Nairobi. She was then informed that she would be sent to work at the Eldoret branch. As a freshly admitted advocate in dire need of practice experience, she had no problem with that. She packed her bags and left her family including her four-year-old son and moved to Eldoret. This was a brand new office and she was tasked with the duties of setting up the office, and engaging new staff. She was the managing associate and the sole advocate in the firm at the Eldoret office and would liaise directly with the partners in Nairobi on the various instructions that they would get. She handled all the marketing, billing and all the litigation work there. The clerk they hired would do all the ground-work. By the end of the year 2015, the firm had almost doubled her salary.

In January 2016, at 3 months pregnant, Judy’s pregnancy became visible. It is worth noting that an employee is under no obligation to reveal their pregnancy to the employer. Article 31 of the Constitution provides that every person has the right to privacy which includes the right not to have information relating to their family or private affairs unnecessarily required or revealed. At this point she disclosed to one of the partners, who frequently visited the Eldoret office, that she was pregnant and would need the appropriate help required to run the firm. Soon after this disclosure, the clerk who did most of the work that involved moving around town, Lands Offices and court was fired. Judy was left to do all the ground-work and attend to all the office matters. When she informed her employers that she was having some health issues as her blood pressure was getting quite high, the employers told her that her family matters were to be dealt with at home with her husband. At the end of that month, Judy did not receive her salary.

The reason the management gave for not paying Judy’s salary was that the firm had not collected enough funds to pay the same. Throughout the period of her pregnancy, Judy did not receive a salary. She had no money coming in to her account and had to attend hospital for pre-natal care aside from everything else she needed as a pregnant woman. This whole time, she was still working under the employ of the law firm. She needed to do something about it. All her calls for help and for the management to fulfil their contractual obligations since she was still entitled to her normal salary were responded to unsatisfactorily. One of the partners once told Judy that she should not complain because he had heard that she has a very rich husband.

In June, Judy decided to go to Nairobi in order for her and the partners to have a face to face conversation. At the meeting, one of the partners gave her a cheque of forty thousand shillings and told her to go give birth, after which they would discuss the issues she had with the firm. She took the cheque and for due diligence, went to NHIF to try and figure out how she would foot her maternity bill. It was then that she found out that her employer had not been remitting anything to NHIF. The firm had an insurance cover for its employees and she went to the insurance company to see if they would cover her cost. She then established that the package was supposed to cover maternity bills but the firm opted out of the same. It was then that she realized that she was on her own.

On the 22nd June, Judy was on record in court for the law firm. On 23rd June, she delivered, via caesarean section, a healthy baby boy and went on maternity leave. Three weeks into her leave, she was informed of a letter waiting for her at the office. She was excited thinking that the partners had finally decided to pay her dues. This was not the case. The letter told her that due to poor business, her position in the Eldoret office had been rendered redundant as of the 1st June 2016. At the same time, the firm was advertising through the Law Society of Kenya website for a position similar to hers. She was given a cheque that covered one month’s salary and let go. She immediately went to her advocates who then sent the firm a demand letter for her fees, severance payment and all her dues legally calculated. The firm responded that they would only admit to three months’ salary, April till June and nothing for the time she was on maternity leave.

Seeking redress for what she was going through, Judy sent an email to the Law Society of Kenya outlining her issues. They did not respond to her. She called the Federation of Women Lawyers (FIDA Kenya) who informed her that she had to report personally go to their office in Nairobi. She was in Eldoret, recovering from a surgery, with a newborn baby and no job. Having no other recourse, she went on a Facebook rant telling the world about the injustice she was facing because she got pregnant. The partners in the firm saw this rant and called her for a discussion. They then gave her a cheque which only covered a third of what she was owed. In an attempt to share her story, she went to Nation Media who told her that they would only share the same after she files a suit against the firm. As a legal professional, Judy knew that she would be barred from speaking about a matter that was in court. She then got contacts for the Kenya Human Rights Commission who said that they would not handle the matter as it was a gender issue and they referred her to the National Gender and Equality Commission. The Commission said that she needs to lodge a complaint which would then be vetted and heard the next time the commission was sitting which was after two quarters.

The Law Society of Kenya kept pushing her off telling her that the person who was meant to handle the complaint was in a seminar. When she eventually managed to get a hold of someone to assist, she was asked to send a handwritten letter which would then be attached to a demand letter on a Law Society of Kenya letterhead to the firm. At this point, Judy felt defeated. She felt like a forum shopper. The society which she and the partners in the firm were members of and is meant to tackle issues between advocates could not even summon her former employers for mediation or arbitration. They claimed that the matter was contractual and they really couldn’t get in the middle of it.

She was forced to relocate to Nairobi where she had her parents who would help take care of her baby and herself. She has not heard from the law firm since. She is trying to apply for another job, something that is proving to be incredibly difficult as the firm will not give her a certificate of service or a testimonial and she cannot very well use a termination letter to prove that she worked for them.

Judy’s story is just one of many stories of women treated atrociously just because they got pregnant. The systems that are meant to protect them don’t. Employers use these same systems to frustrate women to the extent that the women are completely defeated. Our society is incredibly patriarchal. But we often forget that the women contribute a great deal to it. The miracle of childbirth should be something to be celebrated. It should never be used to frustrate the woman. It should never be used to terminate employment. It is not an inconvenience. It is a beautiful thing.